New Year 2018
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New Year Jokes

New Year JokesNew Year time is not only meant for prayers, celebrations and following rituals but also to make it a jovial moment. There is a most scintillating way to complete the ongoing celebrations- New Year Jokes. So, the New Year time is to giggle with friends and family, have loads of fun and scribble these into the diary of favorite memories.

So what are you waiting for, let's make this New Year a humorous one by the following jokes:

New Years Resolutions for Pets

  1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
  2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
  3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
  4. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
  5. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
  6. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
  7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
  8. Always scoot before licking.
  9. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
  10. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
  11. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
  12. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

Quit smoking

A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.

Wedding and kids

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

A depressed man

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Send New Year Jokes

Here comes a fantastic opportunity to make others laugh and giggle on your New Year Jokes. If you have something nerve-tickling in your kitty then send us to as soon as possible.